Now I’ve managed to slam my finger in the bathroom door, reducing me to crying mess. I’m obviously wrung out physically & emotionally right now & just need to start feeling better. I’m worried about my daughter right now, i know there’s something going on with her, but she won’t talk to me & she’s out of here so fast most days that you’d think she was a Texas Truck accident lawyer on the way to a crash. She doesn’t want to talk to me, but she does, at the same time, just not on my terms, which pretty much is when i’m not trying to sleep. I don’t know.

I’m tired of being sick, I just want to feel better & have the energy to get out & do things again, like go to the gym, and clean my house & work on my yard (if the weather would ever get nice again). I’m tired of the cold & snow & ready for spring to really be here, summer would be even better. I want to grill and hang out in my yard with my friends & family & just have a fun time. I want camping & day trips and relaxation. It’s time, it’s been a long, hard winter & we’re so ready.

I did end up snuggled up on the couch in my blanket, watching TV yesterday. I think I ever managed to take a nap for awhile. It didn’t really help much, other than curing my boredom. Watching TV will always be better than aimlessly surfing the web, looking up insurance quotes because you’re at a loss for anything else to do, in my opinion.

Last night was very rough, I spend most of it unable to breathe & in pain. My head hurts so badly that it makes my teeth hurt. I was awake at 5:30 whining through text at Troy about the unfairness of the whole situation. You know it’s bad when I start whining, since I’m really not much of a whiner, unless I feel really horrible.

I don’t have a lot planned today, I’m still feeling badly and need to try to feel as good as I can for tomorrow, since it’s such a busy day. I have to be up & ready to leave the house by 6:45, so we can go & get our share from the co-op and then, after I get home, I have to start the pulled pork, make coleslaw & clean house. After Troy gets up, we need to get the back yard raked & the altar area set up & ready to go. I’m just hoping to make it through everything without being completely exhausted by the end of it, honestly.

I had hoped to make cookies today, but we’ll have to see about that. If I don’t start feeling better pretty soon that’s just not going to happen. I’m not going to wear myself out today, trying to make everything perfect for Beltane, I’m just not.

I’m not talking about the snow, because I knew we were going to get some this week, so even though I am disappointed about it, I was forewarned, which makes it easier. No, I’m talking about being sick. Again. At least I know now, why I was so exhausted two days ago & why I slept so hard & for so long. I was more than ready to go to bed that night & slept without many problems, so I really should have had some sort of a clue at that point, but I didn’t. I guess I only have myself to blame for being surprised about it.

So, needless to say, I’m not doing much today, just kind of hanging out of Facebook, basically being bored. I’m thinking about grabbing my blanket & snuggling in on the couch & watching some Netflix streaming or something. At least that way, I’ll be somewhat warm & certainly not bored. Yep, think I’m going to do that.

I was sitting here earlier, playing around on Facebook & I realized that I kept falling asleep. I went to take a nap & woke up 3 1/2 hours later. Man, I guess the lack of sleep over the past week or so finally caught up to me all at once. I slept good & hard and it made me feel a lot better, but now I feel like I’m going through my evening like a robot. Just start calling me prototype 37c and I’ll probably answer to it, at this point. I have got to do something about the animals and the sleep they’re costing me every day. I can only go so long before I melt down over it & that’s never pretty. I always sound like a whiny teen when I melt down, which makes me feel that much worse, I know, because it just happened the other day. It was pretty embarrassing, for sure.

Anyway, we’ve spent the evening with our friend, Ryan, watching Season 2 of Weeds. We were just finishing dinner when he got here, so we gave him some, too & then settled in to watch TV for the evening. It’s been quite nice, actually. I think I’ll go back in there & join them now!

I know I don’t really talk about food a lot on here, but I’m going to today. For almost the last year, I’ve had oatmeal made with pumpkin, dried apricots & almond milk for breakfast just about every morning. It’s pretty quick to make & it’s filling, something that’s very important when you have both an active lifestyle and are trying to lose weight. Well, pumpkin is impossible to find right now, after two bad growing seasons there just isn’t any available. Pumpkin is a good part of what makes it so filling, and without that, it’s hard for me to make it through the morning.

A couple of weeks ago, I bought some Yoplait plan Greek yogurt for a recipe, and since I only used about a tablespoon of it & didn’t want to waste it, later on in the week I mixed it with some blueberries & a little of my homemade, sugar free strawberry jam. It was amazing! I couldn’t get enough of it & really wanted to lick the bowl. I had it with some toast & it was plenty to get me through until lunch. I like the Yoplait version of it because it’s made with milk from cows that haven’t been treated with bgh (the bovine version of hgh). I like to know what’s in my food, which is why I try to be very careful with what I buy, and knowing that just adds to my comfort level about it.

So, give some a try, I didn’t expect to like it & really do, maybe you will too. I can see myself taking this to faire for my breakfast, because I could mix it up ahead of time & just take it in a container with a lid, toss it in the cooler & be good to go with it. I don’t get terribly hungry at faire, but you still have to fuel your body, you know?

I think we finally made a decision on this year’s faire. We’re going ahead as usual, and kind of hanging out, waiting to see what happens after this. We hashed out a lot of things yesterday & I’m sure there will be more to come, especially since I’m not happy with my booth location or the answers I got about it. At any rate, I’ll need to get started on those walls & hope I have enough money soon to get our order in to our supplier, so all of that will be finished & ready to go.

I still need to figure out garb for myself, since none of my bodices fit anymore & my favorite two garb vendors won’t be coming. We do have one other one tentatively coming, and hopefully they have nice bodices, which would completely solve my problem. If they decide not to bring their garb booth (they also sell food), then I just hope someone else does, or I’ll have to try to order one in time to get it done in time.

We still haven’t made a decision on the whole faire thing this year, it’s quite possible that I’m just getting tired of the drama behind the scenes or that we’re all feeling a little insecure these days, but we’ll find out tomorrow morning. After that, I’ll at least know which event I’m planning for & ow soon everything needs to be together & ready to go and can start my sewing and the rest of my preparation.

I’ll end up needing new acne medication if the stress of the drama & crap doesn’t end though. I swear I get more sensitive to all of that the older I get. I just can’t handle any of that anymore. When I was younger, I created situations so that there would be stress & chaos, because I thrived on it, which is pretty sad to say, honestly. I never broke out, never had stomach aches or menstrual issues from any of it, but now? Someone can look at me wrong & all three happen. It sucks getting old sometimes, although most of the time, it bothers me not at all.

We had a membership a few years ago, but we seemed to run out of time to watch enough movies to even make it worthwhile, and there was a lot of grumpiness over the movies that came in, because the kids always wanted their choices to get here before everyone else’s and when they didn’t, they’d claim they never wanted to watch another movie and so on. So, we cancelled it.

Recently, they updated their stuff (software, technology, whatever) and now the streaming movies are available through the Wii, which we have & their internet access is free as long as you has a wireless network. I signed up for a free trial, which lasts a month, but we’re definitely keeping it. I’ve been watching Weeds on my laptop, Troy’s watching movies in the living room & I think Rhi’s been or will be watching anime in her room. It’s fantastic, and our plan is less than $9/month, which makes me want to downgrade my cable package.

Anyway, I’m excited to watch a lot of things I haven’t had the chance to see yet & to catch up on all of the series I haven’t watched or started watching & lost track of over the years & want to catch back up with. So far, I’m really loving it & am so happy I signed back up. No more nights of watching old 70s movies about a single woman on a Human Resources job search and finding true love, you know? I can watch whatever I want now, any time i feel like it!

For years, I have served as the “royalty” for our faire with Troy & I have done it without a crown of any sort, mostly because we have never had one that actually fits me. I’ve been looking around the interwebs for ideas over the past few weeks & I’ve seen some really beautiful ones made with braided & twisted wire & beads, so I’m going to give it a try.

I bought some colored wire while we were in St. George this morning, in a pretty teal, chocolate brown & silver, and I know I have a bunch of pretty beads that will go nicely with those colors. i’m really excited to get started on it, even though I kind of doubt my ability to do it the right way, I’m going to give it my best.

I haven’t really been up to a lot of faire related stuff lately, we’ve been busy & it feels like there’s something brewing under the surface with the board & I’m kind of holding off & waiting to see what happens with that. I don’t want to to waste time & money if I don’t have to.

Still working through the family lineage, I’ve reached a few dead ends, but hope that they’ll get filled in over time. I’ve found out some things that neither of my parents expected, like we have a whole branch of family from Switzerland. That was never brought up in any discussion about where the families were from & my mom was just stunned. I’m not saying that it was just a little blip of time that they were there, either, I’m talking generations & generations that were in the same place in Switzerland. I just barely found the Scottish side last night before i went to bed, we were starting to feel like someone had lied about our heritage all this time, for sure.

I’ve had some things verified that we aren’t proud of, but we always knew there were slave owners in our past. It’s like a cold blast of water, however, to read an ancestor’s will, and he’s talking about who gets what slave, as if they are just property & not human beings. We’ll see what other surprises the coming days have to hold, maybe I’ll find out I’m related to the people who make Moen kitchen faucets and have something to be proud of. I’m sure I’m not, but it’s fun to think about who you might e related to, isn’t it?