I’m tired today. I was up until 2:30 bullshitting with Ryan & got up at 8 when Troy got home, and 5 1/2 hours just wasn’t enough this time. I can take a nap later if I need to, I just hope I don’t need to, I hate feeling sleepy & groggy all damned day, you know?

It looks like it may rain today, and I really hope it does, but after my swamp cooler gets fixed, because I don’t want Ryan up on the roof during a storm or trying to fix it anytime near that, it just seems dangerous & I feel like he’d try to, just to get it done.

I’m also trying to get a plan together for tonight, to see if we’re playing D&D or Rock Band or just watching TV, but I won’t really know anything until Jason wakes up & Dawn can talk with him about it, since they’re going to his folks’ house for the day (it’s Pioneer Day here in Utah) & she doesn’t know when they plan to be back.

I’ve been looking into some Renter’s insurance lately, wondering if I ought to add that to our policy or not, since we have no way to replace anything these days if it all gets damaged or stolen, at least that way we’d have some tv insurance on our nice HD set & I could stop worrying about it. I’ll probably add it at the start of our new policy, just to get all of the bills coming in at the same time, and thankfully, it isn’t going to cost us all that much.

Anyway, I need to get my morning pills taken & do a few other things really quick, like move the dog so I can scoot my chair in further & stop my back from hurting.

I’m restless today & can’t seem to settle into one task & get it done. I have so much to do today & haven’t really started any of it, but I’ve sat here & played countless rounds of pyramid solitaire. I apparently have the focus for that & that alone, which doesn’t really help us get ready for camping.

I have other things going on in my mind that I probably won’t ever mention here, because they are personal, on a level that I’m not comfortable sharing, but trust me, they’re keeping me from thinking about much else. I’ll work through it, but sometimes I feel very isolated, because there isn’t anyone here I can really talk to about it, either. There are just too many emotions tied up into what’s going on inside me, and many of them involve other people, I can’t talk to them because I don’t want any hurt feelings.

I am not unhappy in my marriage, we are very happy together & enjoy our life. The kids don’t have me particularly stressed out, or at least, any more than usual. My parents are fine & healthy. I’m not doing or thinking about doing anything stupid, so no worries for any of you, it’s just the standard, inner crap that everyone goes through every now & again & I’ll work through it.

I’m so not good at this “personal blog” stuff. Maybe I should just write about how I taught the kids to treat acne when they were teens & be done with it.

I have no idea what to call this blog anymore or what to write about these days, as I’m obviously no longer a faire vendor or board member. We will still have the booth at other events, but we’ll be carrying a different line of products this time around. Pagan items don’t sell well in small, Morman communities, but soap & signs generally do. I’m happy creating & am excited to get back to making those things again. What do I call this place now? I’m obviously not a “mommyblogger” or a regretful emptynester. I don’t have teens in my home searching for acne treatments, nor do I have young children trying to fit in with their peers. I’m a wife and a mother of three adults, my life is pretty quiet, really.

I could write about the fear and worry about Erin, or maybe his struggles with drugs alcohol, but writing about all of that would eventually cause me to become depressed & scared & stop sleeping at night again.

I could write about my struggles with good health & weight loss, but how long could I honestly keep that up? Maybe this will just be about the plain, old, every day me, since I have a blog that deals with parenting adults & one that deals with the spiritual side of me, but nothing about just me. That sounds pretty good, but what to call it?

On Thursday, July 8, we came to a fairly monumental decision, at least for all of us. Troy got into a confrontation with another board member over something that he shouldn’t have had to fight about. The other board member wasn’t really willing to give even an inch & then later came to me saying some particularly rude things. I went back into the booth, Jason strolled over & Dawn, Jason & I sat down to talk. In the course of that conversation, we all discovered that none of us was having any fun anymore. When we first started doing the faire together, we all agreed that when it wasn’t fun anymore, we would quit. So, we did. I called Troy over & we told him our decision and the reasons behind it & then Troy & I went to tell the other two board members that we were done.

I’m not sure they really believe that we won’t be back next year to help build the stage & set everything up. When we quit, we took our entire guild with us, and they are (and have been for 10 years) the people who build the faire. I don’t know what they’ll do & honestly, I don’t really care, but maybe they’ll have learned a lesson in how to treat people from this. I hope so, at any rate.

As for me, I gave up the booth, since we definitely can’t afford to vend at that faire anymore, especially if we aren’t on the board anymore, so we split the money down the middle & divided our stock & called it good. I’ll go back to diets that work better than stress & continue my own journey, by myself again, which is fine with me, I do okay alone.

We have no second guessing & no regrets, so at least I know I made the right choice for me.

We’re obviously in the middle of Faire, since I haven’t been around online at all. We come home every night exhausted & leave every morning right as it’s getting light outside. In the first two days, we’ve made about $75, which I guess is okay, but when you figure that Dawn & I each only get 1/4 of that, it’s not very much, at all. Oh well, we’ll get by I imagine, we always do, maybe the next two days will be much better, but I seriously doubt it.

I think I’m going to need anxiety depression treatment before the week is over, we’re going through so many changes & have made a lot of really life-changing decisions this week & I think we’re all having a lot of bittersweet feelings right now. Troy equated it to being a senior in high school & knowing it was the last time you would ever do so many things.

I’ll go into more detail when faire is done for the year & the official announcement is made, but for now, let’s just say that it was a long time coming & we have no regrets, at all.

Today is our last meeting before faire setup begins next Monday. I can’t believe it, honestly. I have so much to get done this week, I just hope I can manage it. I need to make over 100 badges for our vendors & that has top priority, honestly, even over getting the walls to our booth finished or anything else. I’m going to have a couple of long, boring days ahead of me.

Troy & I both need to go through our garb & see what we’re going to wear, what needs to be washed & get that done, so I’m not stuck wearing breeches instead of a skirt & such, you know? I don’t know why I do this to myself every year, if I’m just forgetful or I think that I have plenty of time left, maybe I just like the chaos of doing things this way. I have no idea, but I do know I won’t be online nearly as much for the next 3 weeks or so.

I feel like I’ve been running non-stop for days on end. I have, that’s probably why I’m tired. I have the house somewhat straightened out so it looks okay for when we’re gone. I got all of Beth’s toys picked up & put away, put her chair back where it belongs & loaded the dishwasher. I’m sure Rhi will do some cleaning while she’s here taking care of our pets, so I’m not going to worry about it a whole lot. It isn’t a huge mess, just looks like we’ve been busy for a few days.

I hope I sleep better than I did lat night, maybe knowing that I got everything done today that I tasked myself to get done will help. A sense of satisfaction is supposed to be a good sleeping pill or something like that, at any rate, I’m just about ready to see if it’s true. I’ll be back on Sunday sometime, I hope you all have a great weekend!

Our vendors spaces are quickly filling up, thankfully, since that’s how we afford to have faires from year to year. We have a lot of great entertainment this year, and I’m really looking forward to actually being able to see it this time, instead of just wishing I could like last year. I have all of the decorative stuff done on half of our panels & ill finish the rest this evening while I watch TV, which means that I can assemble them on Monday & everything will be ready to go.

We have a ton of new vendors, I hope I can find one selling garb, that isn’t charging the going rate of diamonds for a bodice. I did manage to find a couple of my old ones that fit me again, so at least I have those to wear, and will have 1 more if my friend can find it & get it back to me in time. I hope she can, because it’s one of my favorites that I’ve made over the years & I know it won’t fit her this year, she’s lost too much weight.

Well, I have stuff to get ready for our camping trip this weekend so I’d better eat something & get started on that.

I got all of the wall panels sewn, now all I need to do is the decorative stuff & then sew solid colored sheets on the back for stability & to hide my seams. I’m excited to see them hanging on the booth, along with all of our other awesome decor. We’ve decided that finishing our encampment is way more important at this point than stocking the booth, so we’re going to focus on that first & if we have money left, we’ll place an order. I’m looking forward to seeing that come to life, too, from the concept we all thought up last winter.

We’re going camping next weekend, so that pretty much let’s out the entire time for any sort of work to get done, and the weekend after that is the 4th. We’ll be getting Dave from the airport on Friday night, putting grommets in carpeting on Saturday, heading out of town on Sunday for the 4th & working at faire the rest of the week, on one thing or another, so we really do need to get that built this week, which means we’ll get my dad’s truck on Saturday sometime and drag everyone to the store on Sunday morning to buy what we need for it & then we’ll spend the day working on it, if Jason & Nate are back from camping by then.

I’m still working on my weight loss, still without motivation, but I haven’t given up, which is a good sign. I’m going to try a different method (not plan, just way of spending my points) and see if that helps. If not, I’ll be haunting fastestwaytoburnfat.org for tips.

I’ve stayed on program all day today & even have popcorn points left for later on. I’m very happy with myself, since this is the first Saturday in a long while that I have managed it. I even got a bit of sewing done in the past24 hours, like my purse organizer (hate it!) and a cute Tinkerbell checkbook cover (I bought Tink checks the other day). Tonight, after I finish up online, I’m taking my bags of fabric into the living room with my tape measure & scissors & cutting the lengths I need for the walls of our booth. We’ve agreed that we’ll skip the rood cover this time around & plan for one next year. That takes the stress off of me this time around, thankfully.

Tomorrow evening, I’ll start sewing them all together, until I have 8 panels that are about 5 feet wide & 7 feet tall. Then I’ll add some ribbon ties so we can shut the booth at night & all I’ll have left to do is put the white sheets on the back & dewing the casing at the top.

So no screwing around tonight dreaming of being skinny & reading apidexin reviews until I can’t see. I need to get started on this stuff, for sure! One month until setup. Eeek!